Quarantine.
A time where everything has come to a complete stop.
We live in a society where sitting outside on a cafe patio reading a book, celebrating birthday dinners at restaurants, watching the playoffs at the bar with buddies, and dancing till 4 am in the morning at the clubs have become nonexistent.
It’s all just gone.
The United States has officially shut down in a way that has never happened in our history, calling quits on social activities and engaging with others. And it’s not too bad, we still have freedom to take walks and wander, but even as we stray from the “stay at home” rule, which has its exceptions, everyone seems to have forgotten how life has not stopped just because we lost so many privileges and social entertainments.
In a way, many of us, I don’t think, knew how to live and what we were even living for.
Let us look inside. Has there been a better time where one could just stop, reflect, and heal?
Three weeks prior to this catastrophe, I found myself looking in the face of a monster who I knew would be coming for me, sooner rather than later: School debt. $133,000 worth of college expenses for a degree that didn’t help me achieve anything. As unfortunate as that sounds, I don’t regret my decision to attend college. But damn, how would I pay this, I thought incessantly.
I lost my appetite for nearly a week. Went three days without a meal. Cried myself to sleep in prayer, which only lasted for an hour or so before I’d wake up with knots in my stomach and fear lurking in my mind.
I was obsessed with incessant worry of where I would be in three months. How I would afford to pay $700 worth of rent on top of a $659 bill from Wells Fargo Student Loan Services. What was going to happen to my credit when the impact of my low income would cause my bill to not be paid in full?
I always grew up with the words of advice to not stress about the things you can’t control. I learned in my early 20s that things could actually work themselves out if we take life day-by-day. Rather than panicking about what will happen in three months from now, I should focus on what needs attention for tomorrow or this coming Friday. After all, no one rarely gets anywhere running towards something head on without taking the time to consider they’re surroundings.
Yet, I wasn’t listening to that advice. Instead I was making myself sick.
Then BAM!
Lights out. Doors closed. Jobs were laid off everywhere. Institutions shut down. Bills, slowly but surely, would become deferred. Who knew, right?
Enlightenment is what I correlate this tower of destruction with. For some, perhaps it was a rude awakening or a disruption to their everyday living routine they were so comfortable with. But for me, I was able to take a really deep breath and exhale it for the first time in a long time without feeling like I couldn't, because I had to hold my breath as if it were the last air I would breathe.
That’s what stress feels like for me. As if life means absolutely nothing but hardships and pain. Breathing shouldn’t be hard, yet it is. Stress makes it hard to breathe. Is it a coincidence that of all the symptoms for COVID-19 (CoronaVirus), respiratory issues are the main problem?
Coronavirus is as bad as the life we were all living at times: It makes it hard to breathe.
During this time of rest, I’ve taken interest in my inner-romantic self: I’ve begun reading the entire collection of Jane Austen and relearning how to paint again after 12 years. And at night, when I find myself at my loneliest, I take comfort in knowing I still have a sister and mom, even if they are hundreds of miles away-- the little details are more important the whole picture.
I mean, I’m still stressed but I feel more grounded. This pause has me reevaluating my life; all the things I took for granted. I have so much to be thankful for. Even though things have not always worked out the way I want them to, they have worked out for me.
Coronavirus caused a drastic change, which has forced people to face their fears-- not bills and work and relationships, but themselves. We’re all being forced to move outside our comfort zone. And whether you’re religious or not, it’s a test of having faith in yourself and your purpose.
I know that I have let my doubts and insecurities and fears run my life, which is why I’m where I am with myself. The problem is that it took the world stopping to finally see that. My happiness comes from within, not with what the world can offer me, or what I can offer in return: money, a relationship, friends, material items.
The first step with growing is acknowledging the blessings or the things never considered. Taking things for granted is such an easy thing that every person on this planet is guilty of at some point. The second step is setting your intentions. Third is action.
And since I found myself taking more action for myself during this time out than before, I figured it was worth sharing.
So let’s all be magicians in our life. We can create so much. So tell me, what have you created or learned during this new way of life we call Quarantine?