Self acceptance is difficult in a life where judgment and expectations reign. In the last decade, I have lost many people that I truly cared about. People that I found admirable and special. People I connected with on spiritual and meaningful levels. Losing them had left me severely confused and angry regarding how I behaved, how they treated me, and how I initially allowed myself to be treated. Throughout the wavering emotions, I have always remained vulnerable, embracing the waves as they come in towards me; I'm learning that vulnerability is key to communication and self healing.
Communication, it can be a thing of wonders. Reaching out, verbally, can open doors and change your life within seconds. It can create wonderful opportunities, bringing souls together the way molecules form to create a single atom. Then again, in today's generation, communicating can also be one the most frustrating things we have to do. And it's not the aspect of having to speak in general, it's the various forms of how we communicate that has evolved, which creates frustration, misconstruing us.
I've noticed how heavily, in the last two decades, our society relies on technology to create and maintain relationships, which in my perspective are merely artificial bonds. Even dating has changed significantly. And with COVID-19 in the mix, work and education has become remote to the point that I wonder if it will be a danger to building strong relationships in the future.
In time, social networking and building new associations are going to slowly feel like a thing in the past. As many of us have already lost touch of having in-person, intimate connections. We already rely so heavily on dating apps, social media platforms, text messaging-- we're forgetting the valuable time that strong, genuine dynamics require in order to last for a lifetime. I fear we're slowly crossing the threshold where living in a world where estranged intimacy and friendships will be a natural gravitational occurrence.
How many of us have spent most of the year in solitude? Battling our fears, irrational thinking, anxiety and stress over our loss of income and stability-- all, in which, are things we’ve had to go through alone. It’s as if we were never really human prior to the virus; we’re finally able to see just how similar we all are, feeling and fighting to protect our bodies that, miraculously, function equally. Yet, we cannot manage to treat each other equally.
The way we communicate highlights the type of person we are. This is where the value of ethics and morals come into place. How we believe people should be treated is how we communicate. But I highly believe that it has more to do with how we want to be treated by others. When we lack self love, we treat ourselves badly. As much as we want to be treated right, we allow people to treat us badly. This has everything to do with the condition of learning and our subconscious. No one wants to be treated disrespectfully or ignored.
If a recurrence is stable enough, it will create a repetitive behavior. So if we look at the way we communicate, we may discover the stimuli that maintains a consistent pattern in our daily lives, thus where conditioning of learning takes place.
So here it is, the condition of learning plays a significant role in our ability to communicate, in loving ourselves and being vulnerable. If we want better relationships and better outcomes and better versions of ourselves, we must make an effort to change. Allowing our fears and insecurities, and the expectations of others, to mold our behavior and morals is suffocating. In the end, we’re only hurting ourselves.
I chose to write this piece because it’s extremely close to my heart. I struggle with self acceptance, and I’ve seen the repercussions of my behavior and the past repeat itself because of my inability to change the way I communicate. Being vulnerable is an important step because you have to be willing to be honest with yourself and with others about how you feel and want to be treated. In return, it can allow others to feel safe being vulnerable with you. That is where acceptance and support grows when honest communication occurs.
So if you’re personally struggling with any of the above mentioned topics, please remember that you’re human: You’re deserving. You may not be able to control how others communicate with you, but you can control how you communicate towards yourself. Love yourself first. The rest will follow